Yes, I have been feeling sentimental lately. First an entry about my family and now this. But I can't help it!
The time has finally arrived for my baby girl to show up. I have waited 9 long, yet FAST months for this. I have been a roller coaster of emotions and a blend of different women, and my wonderful fiancee, family, and friends have stuck by me through it all. For that I am grateful! I have had several sleepless nights, several nights where I've slept alone and he on the couch just to give me my space to "stretch out and move around" (When really I think he just got tired of being woken up lol) I have cried. I have laughed. I have gotten ANGRY and irritated at people for the dumbest reasons. I have gotten highly emotional. I have been FRUSTRATED to the very max and people (and places) have pushed me to my limits. I have been uncomfortable to the very max, the point where I just wanted to reach in and take her out myself!.....
....but I have also been happy! I've been excited and anxious! I have gone through some pain, both physical and emotional, yes, but it's all been worth it. In just a few short days (or maybe a week or so), I am going to get to look into the eyes of the precious miracle who has been the reason for all this. And I am going to cry. But not a sad, frustrated cry. I am going to cry out of pure joy! I am going to look at this little girl who is looking back at me hoping I have all the answers to everything (which I don't...and that's scary). I am going to find out what REAL, TRUE LOVE really is. And I cannot WAIT for that! I am going to be someone's EVERYTHING! The one she calls when she is hurt, when she's hungry, when she's mad or sad, and sometimes when she's happy! I will be the one (I hope) who she looks up to and wants to be like one day. Puts a lot of pressure on me (haha) but I can take it! This Christmas is going to be the best one of my entire life, past and future.
The thing about having a baby at Christmas, is that baby is your present, right? You don't want anything else, not even a tree or stockings. (At least I didn't. I didn't really care, nor did I have the energy to fool with it all) And the best thing about that present is it never goes away. It never gets "old", it never gets thrown away after you get tired of it (although, haha, I'm sure sometimes I'll feel like it....), it never gets "unusable". It never gets sent back to the store or to the Goodwill. This baby is going to be my LIFE. She will be everything that matters to me and I will have her for the REST of my life. And not only am I excited about my gift because it will last forever, but I am also very happy that God was the sender =) My Christmas present this year was from GOD! And I helped make it! Which makes it that much more special. My mom and I were having a conversation a while back about how amazing it is that women have been given the honor of making life with God. It took another person (her daddy) to "provide the goods" but for the next 9 months after, I have been "baking" this baby, making sure she has what she needs. Making sure she is growing the way she needs to be. It's an amazing, fulfilling thing to know that I have made life =)
I can't tell you how many times I've cried because I wish some people could be here for her. My grandpa, my Pops, my Mammaw.... Oh how I wish they could be here to meet this little bundle of joy! I know they will be watching down on us, and I know they will be protecting her....but sometimes I just wish they could be HERE to hold her and rock her and love her they wonderful way they loved me!
There are a few songs out there that I have heard recently that have just...well, they have made me CRY MY EYES OUT! Songs that I have heard before and loved, but they never had that effect on me until now, to name a few: "I Hope You Dance", Leeann Womack, "It Won't Be Like This For Long", Darius Rucker, "In My Daughters Eyes", Martina McBride, "I Won't Let Go", Rascal Flatts....and this one:
"You're Gonna Be", Reba McEntire
6 lbs and 9 oz, looking up at me
Like I have all the answers, I hope I have the ones you need
I've never really done this
Now I know what scared is
Sometimes I'll protect you from everything that's wrong
Other times I'll let you just find out on your own
But that's when you'll be growing
And the whole time I'll be knowing
You're gonna fly with every dream you chase
You're gonna cry, but know that that's okay
Sometimes life's not fair, but if you just hang in there
You're gonna see that sometimes bad is good
We just have to believe things work out like they should
Life has no guarantees but always loved by me, you're gonna be
I'm afraid you'll have to suffer through some of my mistakes
Lord knows I'll be trying to give you what it takes
What it takes to know the difference between getting by and living
Cause anything worth doing is worth doing all the way
Just know you'll have to live with all the choices that you make
So make sure you're always giving way more than you're taking
You're gonna be someone's everything
You're gonna see just what you are to me
You're gonna fly with every dream you chase
We just have to believe things work out like they should
Life has no guarantees but always loved by me you're gonna be
Always loved by me
Like the song says, "You're gonna be someone's everything, you're gonna see just what you are to me!" Already, I have been overwhelmed with how much I love this baby already, but I can't wait to meet her face to face and fall more and more in love with her every day I hold her in my arms! I can't wait to finally get to feel exactly how my parents felt about me...and to finally understand why my parents did what they did, and said what they said. This is going to be an adventure, and I'm SO ready for it!
Thank you God for sending me this miracle =)
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