It's My Time

There comes a time in every persons life.....

Ok. Screw that phrase. I have come to a point in my life that I have decided that it's time to do things my way. It's time to put everyone else's needs aside and focus on mine. Because one day, when I'm married and I have children of my own, I won't have that luxury of thinking about myself. I won't be able to just pack up and go when I want. I won't be able to use my entire paycheck for me and only me. I won't be able to make decisions for myself and only myself. There will be other people to think about. And before that day comes, I want to make sure that I have done all the living I need to do. I want to make sure that I have found myself, and learned everything there is to learn about myself. What I like, what I don't like, the kind of person I want to be, the kind of people I want to be around, the kind of people who I want to stay away from.

For the past 5 years, I have done nothing but worry about others people's feelings. I have been so concerned about making everyone else around me happy and comfortable and worrying about hurting their feelings that I have put myself on a back burner. I have taken care of my close relationships and paid more attention to them than to myself. I guess you could say that's because I loved them. That's what love is, after all. Putting another person's needs before your own. So yes, I loved them. I still do. But what about me? What about my dreams? My desires? My hopes? Screw OUR future...what about MY future?

Some may call this way of thinking selfish. But it's not. It's called taking care of myself for once. It's called finding happiness. It's called moving on. I have forgotten who I am. Well, wait. Did I even know who I was? I don't think so. I knew who I was with them. I knew what kind of music, what kind of movies, what I liked to do in my spare time because they liked all those things. But do I really like those things? Do I really like Tony Stewart or the Yankees or being outside or anything having to do with the Mafia? Do I really like the food network or the History channel? Maybe. I don't know. That's what I have to find out. I am on this earth to serve a purpose and the only way I can completely serve that purpose (a purpose I have yet to find out what it is) is by understanding who I am inside and out. And it's up to me and only me to make myself happy. No other person on this earth can make me happy except me.

I'm only 21 once....I'm only 25 once....I'm only 32 once. One time in my life. And I'm making it a goal to be exactly where I'm supposed to be from now on.