Strong FAITH

Why is my faith so strong? 

I was born on Wednesday, February 1st, 1989 at Pardee Hospital in Hendersonville, NC. My grandmother, Cecelia, whom I was named after, helped bring me into this world, literally.  And I believe that is one of the reasons we have such a strong bond. When I popped out, I wasn't crying. My lips were blue. And my mother kept asking "What is wrong with my baby? What is wrong with my baby?" She never got to hold me. The doctors and nurses took me away and I was rushed to Mission in Asheville, NC. That is where they learned that God had not given me a thyroid gland. My mom, naturally, flipped out.  My sweet sweet Nona, took my mom in her arms and said "It's okay, Pam. Whatever it is, we'll fix it. We will fix it."  For those of you who do not know what a thyroid gland is, it is a very small gland, about 1 oz in weight and it is located in the front of your throat, just below your "Adam's apple".  It's shaped kind of like a bat (the animal kind). The function is to take the iodine found in a lot of the foods we eat and convert it into thyroid hormones.  Every cell in the human body depend on these hormones to regulate metabolism. Now, how does this affect me in everyday life?  I am more tired than most, I am not as strong as most, I lose a lot of hair, I have pretty dry skin, I cannot tolerate the cold or extreme hot temperatures, I have frequent muscle aches, spasms and cramps, depression, memory loss, irritability. I gain weight easily and a few other things that are kind of personal.  Those things are treatable with my medicine I take everyday and I have been living with those things all my life.  However, the doctors promised my parents that I would be blind, deaf, mentally handicapped and dwarfed. At the same time.  And that I would probably not see age 2.  But here I am, 21 years later. Normal, beautiful, and well.  It is because of that, that I KNOW there is a God. I know that I have a purpose in life and I know that with faith, anything is possible.


I lived a pretty normal childhood, in Brevard, NC.  My family did not have a lot of money, but we were comfortable. (Well, from what I knew at the time). I never worried about anything.  I am the baby of the family, my two older sisters are 9 and 10 years older than me. I was always in church, whether it was just my dad and I or all of us, I was always in church.  My mom was a Sunday school teacher, and a choir director at one point (not at the same time) and my dad was a Deacon.  I actually accepted Christ the day my father was ordained as a Deacon. I was seven years old.  


When I entered middle school, I had a pretty decent sixth grade year.  However, when 7th and 8th grade rolled around, it wasn't so great. I became one of the "outcasts", and not a lot of people liked me.  Spring break of 8th grade, I lost my virginity.  I was 14 years old. I had only known the guy a week.  And I remember thinking that maybe if I did this, people would like me. Maybe I would seem "cool".  But no, when I got back to school, every body found out. And I was a "slut". I was a "whore". What little chance I had of ANYONE liking me, I lost. To top it off, I remember playing a little game of truth or dare in Theater class, this guy I had had a HUGE crush on kissed me, and I bit his tongue (almost off). But he had ALSO kissed another girl, who happened to be his gf's really good friend.  Long story short, I ended up being called "Fish" because I was a "slut who kept her legs open too much". (If you put two and two together, you can kinda see how morbid that really is).  I was tormented day in and day out by one specific girl.  She made my life miserable.  I was pushed, hit, thrown up against lockers, spit on, you name it. It was done to me.  But I told myself, everything would be okay. God would take care of me and I would get through it.


Finally the year came to a close and summer came around.  But that was the summer my parents separated.  The summer before I entered High School.  I was devastated.  They had never slept in the same room for as long as I could remember and I remember thinking all my friends parents were somewhat "weird" because they slept together. I had no idea that it was actually normal.  They did fight all the time, but I kind of thought that was normal too.  But I guess my mom had just had enough and packed up her things and left. My father and I had been on a church trip for the week and when we came back, we found the house pretty much empty.  That was the 2nd time I had ever seen him cry.  But I told him that everything would be okay. We would figure it out and we would get through it. 


But, it was kind of a new beginning for me. My mom and I moved to the next town over, Etowah. I was going to finally start a new life at a new school, West Henderson High, where no one knew me, no one knew what I had done and no one would judge me. I would have new friends! And I would get to spend High School with my best childhood friend, Julianna. 


I remember one night, this guy who I was crazy about called me at about midnight. I was 15 years old and a Freshman in High School.  Did not have a permit, did not have a license, didn't have a CLUE! He was new, he was from California, and he was HOT. He didn't have a clue either.  He lived by the Asheville Airport, which was about a 30 minute drive from my house.  He wanted see me. Right then.  And he wanted me to WALK.  I refused several times. But still, he begged. So I gave in. I thought, "If I do this, I'll finally get him!" So I started walking. My cell phone died very soon after I started walking, but I kept going.  I ended up in front of Walmart, about a three minute drive from my house, when a cop stopped me.  When I realized WHO that cop was, I was humiliated. He was a fellow Deacon at our church.  He put me in that cop car and drove me straight home.  I will never forget the look on my dads face when he saw Chris and I standing on the front porch at 1 am.  Needless to say, I never snuck out again.  I thanked God that he put Chris there that night. Who knows what could have happened to me had I been able to keep walking.  I could have been run over, kidnapped. Who knows?  Victor did not become my boyfriend and he did not even care about what happened that night.  He still tortured me and made fun of me for the rest of the year.  I guess I learned my lesson that night about boys. 


It wasn't until much later that I realized that having sex would NOT make you a better person. It would NOT define you. It would NOT make you more friends.  The only thing that would make you happy is by being YOU, by doing the things you love, being with the people who make you smile and following God in everything you do.


When I was 17, I was in a new relationship with a different guy, Chase.  We had just started dating and had only been together about 2 weeks.  We had been out all night and I was very low on gas.  I had no money and either Chase needed to give me some gas money to get home or I needed somewhere to stay.  Well, he told me to stay with him, even though his mother forbade it.  (He was 23, still lived at home, long story, blah blah blah).  Well, we snuck in his room, and I guess we were making too much noise because his mother came down and told me to leave. Here it is 2 am, I am not supposed to be on the road past 9 without a parent or licensed driver in the front seat and I have no gas.  How in the world was I supposed to drive 45 minutes to get home with no gas and without getting caught? God was with me. I prayed the entire ride home and when I pulled in the driveway, I didn't even have to shut of my engine. It just stopped.  God pushed my truck home with his two hands.  He made sure there were no red lights, he made sure there were no cops, and he pushed me home.  God was with me not only that night, but many nights following while I was in that relationship.  I still love Chase dearly, but I learned a lot about how un-innocent the real world is while I was with him.  I had many many opportunities to screw up my life BIG time while I was with him, but I didn't.  SOMEONE was watching over me!


In present time, I live on my own now, in Orlando, FL. I have been here for about 2 years and I have grown up A LOT, however I still have A LOT to learn. I have been broke, I have been on my knees, I have been down to my lowest.  But God has always pulled me through.  He has always made sure that I came out of whatever it was I was going through.  He has always made a way for me.  If I needed money for rent, He provided it. If I needed food, He provided it.  If I needed a job, it might have taken Him a while (in my eyes), but He provided it. And he will continue to provide for me in everything I do as long as I trust in Him.  He gave me life, and He has given me peace of mind since that day He proved the doctors wrong.  He has blessed me with love, with talent, with the best family and friends anyone could have, with knowledge, and with PEACE.  I owe everything to him. EVERYTHING!