Only A Southerner....

I was looking through some emails I have gotten in the past and I came across this one.  If you are a true southerner, you will appreciate this!


Only A Southerner...

...knows the difference between a HISSY fit and a CONIPTION fit and you don't "HAVE" them, you "PITCH" them.

...how many fish, turnip greens, collard greens, peas, beans, etc. make up a "mess"

...can show or point out to you the general direction of "yonder"

...knows exactly how long "directly" is as in: "Going to town, be back directly"

...even southern babies know that "gimme some sugar" is not a request for the white, granular, sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the middle of the table

...exactly when "by and by" is. They may not use the term, but they know the concept well

...knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad.  If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin'!

...grows up knowing the difference between "right near" and "a right far peice". They also know that "just down the road" can be 1 mile or 20.

...both knows and understands, the difference between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' white trash

...would never assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn

...knows that "fixin" can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb

...make friends while standing in lines, and when we're "in line", we talk to everybody

...put 100 southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're related, even if only by marriage

...knows that in the south, ya'll is singular and ya'lls is plural

...knows grits come from corn and how to eat them

...tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that red eye gravy is also a breakfast food; and that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food

...knows when you hear someone say "Well I caught myself lookin...", you know you are in the presence of a genuine southerner

...says "sweet tea" and "sweet milk". Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it--we do not like our tea unsweetened. "Sweet milk" means you don't want buttermilk.

...knows you don't scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 mph on the freeway. You just say "Bless her heart" and go your own way.

To those of you who are still a little embarrassed by your southerness: take two tent revivals and a dose of sausage gravy and call me in the morning. Bless your heart!

And to those of you are still having a hard time understanding all this southern stuff, bless your hearts, I hear they are fixin' to have classes on southerness as a second language!

And for those that are not from the south but have lived here for a long time, all ya'll need a sign to hang on ya'lls front porch that reads "I ain't from the south but I got here as fast as I could."

Southern girls know men may come and go, but friends are fahevah!