To Forgive, Or Not Forgive....THAT Is The Question

My whole life, I have always been a very forgiving person.  On the playground in grade school, when someone would push me down or make fun of me, it was okay.  They were still my friend and I'd still hug on them and treat them as if they were the most wonderful person in the world. 

When someone that I care about mistreats me, I have always turned the other cheek and let them do it again. Over and over. Swearing up and down that it was okay, forgiveness is the "Christian" thing to do. Forgiveness is just in my blood...it's what I do. People think I'm crazy sometimes, but I guess forgiving people just comes natural to me.

But I have gotten to the point where I am sick and tired of people walking all over me and getting away with it.  For 21 years, I have been the "sweet, forgiving one" and everyone has known that if they mistreat me, it's probably okay because 99% of the time, I'm going to forgive you.  So no worries.  Who cares about my feelings?

Since I have been back home, I have learned to stand up for myself more and more.  I have to say it feels amazing.  Being forgiving and sweet and nice is all well and good, but there comes a time when you just have to say "Screw you! You hurt me! You're not getting away with it!" 

I am done with people disrespecting me.  I am done with people mistreating me.  I am done with people taking advantage of me.  Will I forgive the people who hurt me?  Yea, eventually.  But say goodbye to Miss. Forgiving-After-Five-Minutes.  Try five days, five weeks, five months, or maybe five years. A person can only take so much.

I have always been a people pleaser, a peace maker, a mediator.  I have always been the one that will bend over backwards, forwards, and sideways for the people in my life, nomatter how close we are to one another.  I have always been the "GOOD FRIEND". And yea, I have enjoyed being the one that everyone loved.  I have enjoyed being there for my friends.  But it's time to look out for ME now.  It's time for ME to get the same treatment I have been giving for YEARS. What about ME?

I am only human; I am not God. All people in the world are not my children.  So forgiving people shouldn't be as easy as it is for me. And from now on, it won't be. I am exhausted. I am just TIRED of being "nice".

What really gets me is the very people who have told for x amount of years that I have known them, "Lia, you HAVE to stand up for yourself. You can't let people walk all over you" are the very people who get angry when I stand up to them because THEY are the ones that are hurting or disrespecting me. Haha. Interesting.

Anyway, point is, it's hard for me to NOT forgive the people that I care about.  But I have got to start looking out for myself now. Being the nice one is over and done with. I'm done.