Where is the LOVE, you GUYS?

It's amazing how the minds of men have changed in the past oh, 50 years or so. It used to be so customary for a man to be chivalrous. You know, pulling out the chair, holding the door open, paying for the meal, letting the woman walk in front.....you hardly ever see those things anymore. And it's very sad. Even the most wonderful-SEEMING men lack those qualities. Which is even sadder. SOME, don't even realize they are lacking it. Which, is even SADDER! I just don't understand....why is it so hard to come by? Why is it so hard for men to just hold the door open? Pull out the chair? Show women how SPECIAL we are? (Because in case you HAVEN'T noticed, we ARE special!) All too often, men expect women to cater to them, when it really should be the OTHER way around. And man, am I SICK AND TIRED of catering!

For once, I just want that man who, from the VERY beginning, does it ALL.

I want to be his BABY. His pride and joy. I want to be HELD and petted and CHERISHED. I want to be PRECIOUS. If men treated their women half as well as they treated their cars...their phones...their TV's, I'm pretty sure there would be a LOT less broken hearts in this world. You hear of all those love songs (might I add that are sung AND WRITTEN by MEN) talking about "I'm sorry baby....how about tonight, let's just turn off the phone and tv and just BE"....well why don't men listen and learn from THOSE songs....instead of the OTHER songs....?

And it's so funny how when the woman leaves, because she's not getting treated that way...she's coming second to everything else around him, THAT'S the time he decides to change it all. I guess that saying that "You don't know what you have until it's gone" really is true....ESPECIALLY for men.

Now, I'm not saying that men are totally to blame for every broken heart on the earth. But I've been hurt by men. So I'm on my soapbox. About men. So just bare with me.

It's just such a shame that some men that you fall head over heels in love with, who have all these wonderful qualities about WHO THEY ARE....just can't seem to make YOU feel special. They can't seem to grasp that although they may not LIKE to be affectionate all that much, like women do, it isn't really an OPTION. It's a NECESSITY. Women are sensitive, caring, compassionate, affectionate, loving creatures. Most of our insecurities COME from MEN! And men are the ones saying "I like confidance....why does she have to be so insecure? She's beautiful! Why can't she see that?" Well, because you don't show me enough. You may tell me everyday....which is wonderful. Please, don't stop. But SHOW me! "Actions speak louder than words".

I know how men hate cliche's....but amazingly, they are all TRUE!

Look all I'm saying is it really is the SMALL things. They may not seem like a big deal, and I guess to most men they are PRETTY hard to do...to you, I'm sorry but I say "GOODBYE".  But this woman is SPECIAL. This woman is BEAUTIFUL. This woman will love you with every being she is. With every ounce of her heart and more. This woman will give you EVERYTHING.  But this woman is also tired of not RECEIVING.

So you just keep that in mind when you want to take her out on a date. Or more. "Just enough" ain't gonna cut it, Mr.

I Ain't Settlin' For Anything LESS than EVERYTHING

I remember a few years ago, back in the EARLY days of High School, (maybe it was middle school...I'm not exactly sure), my church youth group made a trip to Camp Caswell.  Out of all the messages that were given throughout the week at the nightly worship services, there is one that stands out the most: never date someone you wouldn't marry. That night, Pastor Benji sent us back to the barracks with homework: make a list of the qualities you want in a spouse. Don't make them extremely picky to the point of it sounding like you're ordering he/she from a catalog, but concentrate on the IMPORTANT things.  He made sure to point out that the first quality should be that he/she be a Christian. Not only a Christian but to be equally yoked with you.  After all, the bible does say in 2 Corinthians 6:14 that we should be equally yoked with our partners. What does that mean? If you're a Protestant, be with another Protestant. If you're Catholic, be with another Catholic and so on and so forth.  Only then will a relationship be TRULY healthy and lasting. 


I am a Protestant, a Baptist, a SOUTHERN Baptist to be exact. And it has taken me 2 Catholics and an Atheist later to realize that that one rule that Pastor Benji spoke about really is true. After all, I should have always known that because it plainly says it in the Bible! I guess you gotta live and learn though. Especially me, the kind of person who insists on learning EVERYTHING the hard way.

So after everything that I've been going through the past few days, and a long chat with a dear friend of mine last night, who asked me what I wanted in a man, I have decided to update that list I made many years ago. There are only five things and I don't think any of them are too much to ask for.

1) To be equally yoked.
           Yes, this is number one and most important. End of story.

2) To be taken care of.
            I want a man who will take care of ME. Not the other way around. Well, I will take care of him yes, but I want to be doted on. I want the door held open, the chair pulled out, the meal paid for, the hand kissed, I want him to give me his coat when I'm cold. I want the chivalry.

3) To live for the simple things.
       Bring me a flower every once in a while. It doesn't have to be a big bouquet of roses (every time). Pick a flower you see on the side of the road. Write me a letter. Rub my hair to put me to sleep. Tell me I'm beautiful every day. Over use "I Love You". Be THERE for me. LISTEN to me. Take me for a drive, or better yet, a walk. I'm a simple girl, so when I want something, I'll expect to get it.

4) To be a hard worker.
      A lazy man will not suffice. WORK for your money. Get up and DO stuff.

5) To be a family man.
     Not only do I want a man who wants my children, but I want a man who loves his family. Who loves his parents, and would do anything for them. Someone who puts family first.

These five things are easily doable.  And I will not back down on them ever again.  These are the deal breakers. These are the things that I will look for within the first week of "seeing" someone and if any of these things are being compromised, I will not settle. Just like Sugarland says "I ain't SETTLIN' for anything LESS than EVERYTHING!". Now, I don't need a money-rich man....I need a man whose rich in LOVE. I am a good girl, and I always have been. And I have been settling for way too long now. I know I'm not ready for marriage and I probably won't be for a while. Right now, when it comes to thinking about marriage, I have learned that I want a wedding, not what comes after. Do I want to get married one day? Absolutely. When the time is right. Right now, it's time to live my life and fall in love with myself again. Fall in love with the Lord again. I plan to start singing in church soon and I'm super excited about that! It's time to get back to me, to who I was a long time ago before I became jaded. And I know that since I have such amazing friends who share the same beliefs I do, and who adore me and whom I adore right back, this should be easy.

DAY by DAY

I have been homesick for my mountains since the day I moved to Florida two years ago.  But I moved to Florida to get away from the small town and "see the world", to work at Disneyworld, and to be with the man I loved. For the most part, I accomplished all three. But I felt like something was missing, something that couldn't be accomplished by being tied down, which is what I thought I wanted. And I realized that if I was THAT homesick for my mountains, maybe I should just go back home and get back to the girl I used to know. Find myself again. I have to say that the past couple days have been tough. I haven't gotten to see really anybody yet, but I DO have to take into consideration that I've only been here 2 days. Can't do it all at once. I'm taking it one day at a time. This morning when I woke up, I realized that I can choose to sulk, be depressed, I can choose to FEEL unwanted. But happiness is what I make it. It's going to take some time to find a job, the quicker the better though. And school is going to get here when it gets here.  Right now, it's time for me to just be happy, and SMILE. Surround myself with people who love me and just know that everything is in God's hands. I can only do so much, the rest is up to Him. I can't wait to get back to church. I can't wait to see my family, my WHOLE family, who I have missed so much!  I'm not a lover of change, but I will embrace it. Change is what makes you stronger. I just really hope that I can get on my feet soon. Cause I know when I do, I'll feel a lot better! And I'll start to feel NORMAL again! =) I'm excited. And I am happy right now. But like I said, I'm taking it DAY by DAY!

Goodbye....

I think if I just listen to this song throughout this whole process, it may make things a whole heck of a lot easier. I have always loved this song since it first came out in the 6th or 7th grade, and I always thought I could relate to it. But now is the real time in my life that every single word rings true. Every single one. It's Goodbye To You by Michelle Branch.   

Of all the things I believed in, 

I just wanna get it over with

Tears form behind my eyes, but I do not cry

Counting the days that pass me by

I've been searching deep down in my soul

Words that I'm hearing are starting to get old

Feels like I'm starting all over again

The last [two] years were just pretend

And I say

Goodbye to you, goodbye to everything I thought I knew

You were the one I LOVED

The one thing that I tried to hold onto

I still get lost in your eyes

And it seems that I can't live a day without you

Close my eyes and you chase my thoughts away

To a place where I am blinded by the light

But it's not right

And it hurts to want everything and nothing at the same time

I want whats yours and I want whats mine

I want you, but I'm not giving in this time

And when the stars fall I will lie awake
You're my shooting star....

I Just Wanna Be Happy

Someone once told me that you have to choose
What you win or lose
You can't have everything
Don't you take chances, you might feel the pain
Don't you love in vain
Cause love won't set you free
I could stand by the side
And watch this life pass me by
So unhappy but safe as could be

So what if it hurts me? So what if I break down?
So what if this world just throws me off the edge
My feet run out of ground?
I gotta find my place
I wanna hear my sound
Don't care about other pain in front of me
Cause I'm just tryin to be happy

Holding on tightly, just can't let it go
Just trying to play my roll
Slowly disappear
Well all these tears, they feel like they're the same
Just different faces, different names
Get me outta here
Well I can't stand by the side
And watch this life pass me by

So any turns that I can't see
I'll count a stranger on this road
But don't say victim, don't say anything

My Rocks

These three songs are keeping me sane. This three songs explain exactly what I'm going through in my life right now...

These three songs keep me STRONG!

She grew up on the side of the road

Where the church bells ring and strong love grows

She grew up good, she grew up slow

Like American Honey

Steady as a preacher, free as a weed

Couldn't wait to get going, but wasn't quite ready to leave

So innocent, pure and sweet

American Honey

There's a wild wild whisper blowing in the wind

Calling out my name like a long lost friend

Oh I miss those days as the years go by

Oh, nothing's sweeter than summertime

And American Honey

Get caught in the race of this crazy life

Tryin to be everything can make you lose your mind

I just wanna go back in time 

To American Honey

There's a wild wild whisper blowing in the wind

Calling out my name like a long lost friend

Oh I miss those days as the years go by

Oh, nothing's sweeter than summertime

And American Honey

Gone for so long now

Gotta get back to her somehow

To American Honey

I know they say, "You can't go home again"

I just had to come back one last time

Ma'am I know, you don't know me from Adam

But these hand prints on the front steps are mine

Up those stairs, in that little back bedroom

Is where I did my homework and I learned to play guitar

And I bet you didn't know under that live oak

My favorite dog is buried in the yard

I thought if I could touch this place or feel it

This brokenness inside me might start healing

Out here it's like I'm someone else, I thought that maybe I could find myself

If I could just come in, I swear I'll leave 

Won't take nothing but a memory

From the house that built me

Mama cut out pictures of houses for years

From Better Homes and Garden magazine

Plans were drawn and concrete poured

And nail by nail and board by board

Daddy gave life to Mama's dream

I thought if I could touch this place or feel it

This brokenness inside me might start healing

Out here it's like I'm someone else, I thought that maybe I could find myself

If I could just come in, I swear I'll leave 

Won't take nothing but a memory

From the house that built me

You LEAVE home, you MOVE on 

And you do the BEST you can

I got LOST in this ol' world and FORGOT 

Who I AM

I thought if I could touch this place or feel it

This brokenness inside me might start healing

Out here it's like I'm someone else, I thought that maybe I could find myself

If I could walk around, I swear I'll leave 

Won't take nothing but a memory

From the house that built me

(couldn't find the official video...not sure if there is one yet...)

On my highway the yellow lines 

Have disappeared from time to time

And I've wound up on the wrong side of the road

On my highway I've gone too fast

Afraid that I might finish last

I've hugged a curve too hard and lost control

Oh then never know which way it's gonna go

But what a feelin, chasin the sun

Livin my life like it's shot from a gun

Laughin a little bit more with every mile

Oh what a freedom, racin the wind

Dyin to know whats around the next bend

And smilin as I watch the years roll by

I'm learnin how to take it day by day

On my highway

On my highway, I missed some signs

And left a damn good love behind

I see [him] in my rearview like a ghost

On my highway, I've broken down

Cried when no one else was around

And prayed that God would take my soul

Yea, I've paid a lot of heavy tolls

But what a feelin, chasin the sun

Livin my life like it's shot from a gun

Laughin a little bit more with every mile

Oh what a freedom, racin the wind

Dyin to know whats around the next bend

And smilin as I watch the years roll by

I'm learnin how to take it day by day

On my highway

Yea, what a feelin out on the run

Drinkin up the rain, soakin up the sun

Laughing a little bit more with every mild

Oh what a freedom like a sail in the wind

Not lookin back, not forgettin where I've been

Smilin as I watch the years roll by

I'm movin on from my mistakes

And learnin how to take it day by day

On my highway....