You see, I was convinced I was unable to bear children at all. In fact, I already planned on asking my sister to be a surrogate mother, considered IVF treatments (how we would ever pay for those, I had no idea), and adoption. But later on of course. When Rick and I were married, and had the means to support not only ourselves but another human being 5 times over. But, as life would have it, and how it usually works with me, it doesn't care about my plans. I have "learned" that lesson over and over and over again, and I bet I will continue to "learn" it.
So, finding out that I was pregnant wasn't exactly a JOYOUS occasion at first: Rick and I both were super stressed out the first couple days. But after I went to the First Baptist Orlando pregnancy center (where the lady basically told me my baby would be an abomination and I needed to give it up for adoption...), and I received the pregnancy confirmation, our excitement grew! We would be parents! We would be bringing a baby into the world, and though we would be giving up a lot of things: so-called "freedom", spontaneity, late night outs, we would also gain responsibility, the REAL feeling of unconditional love, and JOY! What really helped was the support of our friends and family. Without that love, nothing is possible.
I am about 14 weeks, according to mine, my mothers, my sisters, and the pregnancy centers calculations..oh and the Droid application on my phone =) But when I go to the doctors this week, I will be certain (I hope). I will get to see the sex of the baby in about another 3 weeks or so. Naturally, Rick wants a boy. I want a girl. But either way, we will be thrilled. I have certain things for each sex planned out: name, nursery theme, etc. So it will be nice to finally know what I can follow through with, the navy nautical sailing theme, or Cady Isabella.
What's pregnancy like for me? Ugh. I don't like it. (Right now anyway) Mainly because the baby is too small for me to feel it, so all I do feel is nausea and fatigue (among other not-so-pleasant things). I eat all the time too! Rick has learned that when Mama is hungry, Mama is HUNGRY! Funny thing is though, I'm so hungry I think I can eat a whole 10 piece chicken dinner, I get done with a few fries and 2 of those pieces and I'm so stuffed I can't move. Why is that anyway? So, needless to say, I will be very relieved once I get passed this first trimester and the baby gets big enough so I can feel what I'm going through all this nastiness for. (I know, that sounded horrible....but I'm just being honest....I'm sure all you mothers out there can relate!)
I read Jenny McCarthy's "Belly Laughs". O. M. G. That book is hilarious. I love it because she hides NOTHING. She tells it just like it is. It's awesome. All you prego ladies out there (and even new moms) should read it. It's great! It really helped me to prepare for what I will be going through and how to get through it.
Am I scared? A little, and I'm sure that fear will grow once I see that baby on the screen in front of me. I have the FEELING of pregnancy, but I don't think it will actually hit me until I see the first picture of our baby. Then, I'll probably be even more scared. But, I also know that though it won't be EASY, it will be OKAY. It will be WORTH every ounce of pain and every change I have to go through. This baby will be the best thing I ever did and I will want to do it over and over again. I just hope that I don't screw he/she up...too much ;-)
