This little girl has been an absolute joy. She has brought so much meaning and happiness to my life....I really do not know what I did without her, or what I would do if I didn't have her from here on out. There have been times, recently, that I have begun to wonder what on earth is my purpose in life? But tonight, as I sit here with her in my lap, yes, tooting on me =), I realize that my PURPOSE, was to bring this baby girl into the world. To be her mommy. To be the woman in her life whom she could respect, look up to, and hopefully want to be like when she grows up.
My days pretty much consist of the same things:
- Wake up to her little grunts and squeaks to feed her. (around 7am)
- Play a little bit.
- Change her diaper.
- Play.
- Eat breakfast myself.
- Naptime.
- Wake up to her little grunts and squeaks to feed her. (around noon)
- Play a little bit.
- Change her diaper.
- Play.
- Eat lunch myself.
- Naptime for baby while I get a little done or just watch some daytime talk shows: The Chew, The Revolution, Dr. Oz to name a few.
- Feed her. (around 4)
- Play a little bit.
- Change her diaper.
- Play.
- Eat dinner myself.
- Play.
- Naptime for baby while I get a little done and watch some tv. (Jeopardy, Wheel of Fortune, and whatever network has the best lineup for the night)
- Feed her (around 8,9,10, or 11 depending on how long it took her to go back to sleep and how long her nap was)
- Play a little bit.
- Change diaper and rub nighttime lotion on her.
- Put her back down for the night.
- REPEAT.
It may sound boring, and repetitive, and it IS very repetitive...and never ending. But I love it. I love spending time with my lovebug. Sure, I miss work sometimes...getting to socialize and be around people my own age. But getting to kiss and love on her and see her sweet smile, and hear her little giggle all day every day is what I'm living for. Being the one that she needs when she cries...ah. It's a very fulfilling feeling. To be NEEDED by someone. To be THE most important person, beyond a shadow of a doubt, in someones life. I have been beyond blessed, and I ask myself every day what I did to deserve such an amazing gift. I can't help but to think of the line of the song "Butterfly Kisses": "Oh with all that I've done wrong, I must have done something right to deserve a hug every morning and butterfly kisses at night."
Another question I ask myself, and ask Rick as well on a daily basis is "How can I love someone so little so much?" How is it possible for me to look at this little precious being and want to just cry...not out of sadness, but out of joy. Out of being so incredibly overwhelmed at this unconditional, unshakable, pure LOVE! There have been a few stories on the news lately, one in particular about a father killing his children then turning around and killing himself by blowing up the house. First of all, why? Idiot. And second of all, WHY???? HOW???? WHAT kind of father, what kind of parent could possibly kill their CHILD??? I can't...ugh. I can't even THINK of that. It's impossible to me. It's unreal. And for that matter, how could anyone ever HURT their children. How is it possible that there are actually people out there who BEAT their children? I look at my daughter...at my precious miracle...and the ONLY thing I want to do, the only thing I can even imagine doing, is hugging and kissing her and telling her how much I love her and how beautiful she is. She may only be a month old, but she still NEEDS to hear she is beautiful and that she is loved. Forever and ever she will be my angel and my lovebug, even when she's 32 =)
Like my best friend Julianna said tonight, she put it perfectly, "[Being a mommy] is the gift that just keeps on giving..." Amen to that!
