Dear Daddy

He used to be the man I wanted to marry one day. Then he became the man who I looked up to, the person I aspired to be. Soon, he became the man I adored and who I thought hung the moon. He was the strong one. The one that held me as a child, and still called me his little girl as an adult.

But suddenly, that man changed. He became unrecognizable.  The "I love you's" I heard daily started coming less and less often.  The hugs I received all the time happened more rarely that I ever dreamed they would, and the "I'm proud of you's" completely deceased. He was supposed to be the man I knew would NEVER let me down. The one man in the world who I knew I could ALWAYS count on.  The ONE man in the world who loved me UNCONDITIONALLY.  In my head, I know he does, but my heart is a little more skeptical. 

The one time in my life that I need him most is the one time in my life that he disappears.  I don't mean physically, I mean emotionally.  Perhaps it's because I don't talk to him.  We have never really had the "talking" kind of relationship, EVER. When we do talk, it does nothing.  It never has.  He doesn't listen to me, and I fear he never will. 

No wonder I attach myself to the men who hurt me, and pull away from the ones who want to "take care of me".  The one man who said he always would (and who has, materialistically, but has failed horribly in other areas, you know, the areas that matter) let me down. 

I thought that a parent's number one priority in life was to see their children happy.  Didn't matter what they did to MAKE themselves happy, as long as it wasn't illegal of course, but as long as they were HAPPY....I thought that's all that mattered.  I thought that their job was to help them, help them in any way they needed.  Sure, teach them right from wrong.  Show a little tough love every now and then.  But when their children NEEDED love at one of the most confusing times of their life, I thought that as a parent, that would be the one thing they would be most willing to give.  I guess I was wrong....

You would think with the way my parents are acting that I was into some hard drugs or something like that.....but no. I'm just happy. Or I was. I finally had some clarity and contentment in my life. But not anymore.....and it is ashame....

So, to my Daddy....
 I'm sorry I'm not as successful as you want me to be.  I'm sorry that I have somehow disappointed you by being excessively happy.  I'm sorry that I don't do things EXACTLY right, and that by being in your house, the house I used to call mine, I have become a burden to you.  I'm sorry.

Best Friends: Common Sense Not Required

*Disclaimer* PLEASE NOTE THAT THIS BLOG CONTAINS THINGS THAT IF YOU HAVE NO SENSE OF HUMOR OR ARE EASILY OFFENDED, YOU SHOULD NOT READ!



As most of you who know me know, my best childhood friend is Julianna Cole.

 We have always, and when I say always, I mean the past 22 years, been best friends and we probably always will be.  It's a funny thing though because we are complete opposites.  Granted, we do have a lot of the same taste in music (for the most part; she likes rap and I like oldies and alternative stuff), but we are very different girls.  She is slender, skinny, but very active and athletic. Me, well, I'm curvy and lazy. HAH! She has always had long, thick, beautiful curly hair. Mine was curly as well, but I have cut it through the years, which has straightened it out quite a bit. She was raised with, shall we say PRIVELIGES. I was blessed, but she has been very well off her whole life.  I have been working since I was 17. She hasn't really ever had a real job before.  

But the point of this blog is not to note our differences, it is to note that we are both very smart girls.  But sometimes, we lack MUCH common sense. 

Let's start with the Tanning Bed incident, shall we?

Picture if you will, me, driving in my little red ranger on a beautiful sunny spring day. I'm about 17, listening to the radio, jamming out, when I get a phone call from my dear friend, Miss Julianna.  The conversation goes as follows:

Julianna: Lia, hey I had a question and I wanted to ask you because you're the only one who won't laugh at me....

Lia: Oh Lord, here we go.
(She was always asking me the funniest things. Why she thought I wouldn't laugh at her, I had no idea. But I couldn't wait to hear what she had to say)

Julianna: haha, yea. So, I've started going to the bed recently. I've gone about 3 or 4 times now and everytime I leave, I notice that my back is really really tan, but I'm getting nothing on my front.

Lia: (trying to hold back laughs, only imagining what's coming next) Yes....

Julianna: Yea, and so I got out of the tanning bed today and I had to lean on the bed to put my clothes back on....

Lia: Uh huh....

Julianna: ....and well, the top of it, it moved!

There was a long silence because at this point because first of all, I'm silently cracking up, and second of all I'm trying to figure out what the hell she means by "the top" of it. Then I figure out, to my dismay, she has to be talking about the LID!

Lia: yes....it does that....? What's your question?

Julianna: Well, am I supposed to lower it down over me while I'm tanning?

Oh. My. God. Yea, I couldn't hold the laughter in too much at this point. But, I still tried through laughter to say....

Lia: Yes, hun.  When you lay in it, the bulbs you're laying on get your back, and the top of it gets your front.

Julianna: Okay. THANK YOU! I LOVE YOU!

Lia: Yup, anytime. Love you too.

*click*

Lia: HOWLING WITH LAUGHTER!!!!!! LOUDLY!!!!


To this day, I don't and never will let her live that down.


Proceeding to exhibit B.

I guess I should have started with this first since it happened first....but I couldn't wait to tell of the tanning bed =P (Can't you tell I LOVE my best friend?)

This incident has to do with MY stupidity.  We're about 14 years old at Camp Caswell with our church youth groups.  We were at that age where Mother Nature just started her regular visits.  Now, my mother wasn't comfortable with me using tampons at such a young age, and neither was I. I didn't understand why women wore them.  But I soon found out that they were a whole lot more comfortable than I thought.

Our churches were very close in location to one another in town.  So, since we were going to the same camp on the same week, we decided to follow each other down.  It was about 8 hours away from home....it was on the coast of NC, near Wilmington, right on the beach.  It was July 2003, very hot outside and it was definitely BIKINI season. 

Because Mother Nature had paid me a visit on my vacation, I wasn't quite sure how I was going to go swimming.  How do you swim in a pad? Had I been brave enough to wear a tampon, I could most certainly go.  But again, how do women STAND to wear tampons?  It was totally beyond my belief.

I went to her church's cabin to meet up with the girls of her youth group so we could all put our bathing suits on and go.  Well, except me of course.  The conversation went something like this.

Kim: (Julianna's mom) Lia, sweetie, why aren't you going swimming?

Lia: O, well, I just started my period, so I can't. It's okay though. I can just lay out. 

Kim: What do you mean you can't? Why don't you wear a tampon?

Lia: They're just uncomfortable

Kim: Really?  Why? Are you putting them in far enough?

Well, by this time I'm blushing.  This was just taboo for me to talk to my mom about, much less my best friends mother, and all the other mothers there.

Lia: Um, I think if I put it in further it may hurt.

Kim: (Looking puzzled) Are you putting it in right?

Lia: Well, I think so.

Julianna: here (handing me a tampon) Go put it in, and then walk out and tell us how it feels.

Lia: well, okay then.

I go into the bathroom and put the thing in.  God, this was so embarrassing.  Why were they doing this to me? After being in there for a while, reading the instructions, following them (or so I thought) I walked out, wobbling, with something sticking out from between my legs. Yup. It looked like I had grown a penis.

All the ladies just stared at me like cows looking at a new gate.  I was humiliated.  Why were they staring? And why didn't any of them look like I did?  Where were their fake penises? 

Then it occurred to me that I had to be doing something wrong.  Julianna's laughter confirmed it.


Julianna: NO WONDER IT'S UNCOMFORTABLE!

Lia: What are you talking about?

Kim: Lia, (laughing hysterically), honey you're supposed to push the cotton UP....you're not supposed to leave the applicator in there....

Lia: The cotton? What cotton?

By this time, every girl in that cabin was cracking up at me, the moms included.

Julianna: There's a cotton thing inside the applicator, Lia. You never noticed that?

Lia: No, not really.....

So, needless to say, I had a tampon lesson that day, right there in the cabin.  From that day forward, tampons have been one of my best friends. =)


Fast forward about 6 or 7 years. We were 19 years old. I had moved to Orlando, FL and started working at Walt Disneyworld.  Had just moved into my first apartment and who was my first guest? Julianna of course.  Her mom gave me a 100 dollar gift card to Wal Mart as a house-warming present, and food for the week Julianna would be staying there.  So, among food, and a few other knick knacks, we got some cheap salt and pepper shakers and the cooresponding ingredients. For some odd reason, perhaps the excitement of having my first place, my own kitched utensils and appliances, and getting to do things MY way for the first time ever, I couldn't wait to go home and start using those salt and pepper shakers. 

We ended up getting ground pepper, which, for that particular pepper shaker was the wrong kind.  But, I figured, hey, pepper is pepper.  So what if it's messy when it comes out? We got the right salt, but putting it into the shaker was an adventure indeed.

Picture if you will, two 19 year old girls, standing in the kitchen, yapping away.  Me, opening my new appliances and getting the salt and pepper ready to put in them.  Nothing could possibly go wrong with this, right?

I turn the salt shaker upside down to apply the salt, because the hole was on the bottom, and I couldn't apply the salt from the top, right?  Right.  So, I start pouring the salt in.  Again, Julianna and I are talking away.  At one point, I look down at the salt shaker to see the progress it's making in filling up.  It's not filling up at all.  As I look down farther I see my mistake, but not before I saw a HUGE pile of salt hanging out on my counter. 

I look at Julianna. She looks back at me. And the laughter begins.  I guess I should have closed the holes, or put my hand UNDER the holes....but I just didn't think about it I guess....

This was after we had cleaned most of it up.......

So, yes....Julianna and I are best friends.  We are very different. But when it comes to common sense, we are just about the same; but I wouldn't change it for the world.....=)

CELEBRATE Your LIFE!

22 years ago, my life had just begun.  I wasn't a planned baby, but nevertheless, I was coming, ready or not.  In April 1988, my mother married a wonderful man I am blessed to call, Daddy, and I followed in February.  I was a month and a half pre-mature, and had no thyroid gland. My birthday could have easily been my death day, but God had a plan for my life, and it's for that reason that I am celebrating the big 22!

I have had a pretty BLESSED 22 years. I didn't have everything I wanted, but I definitely had everything I needed and more! Every one of my birthdays have been celebrated. Not necessarily in a HUGE way, but they have always been very much recognized.

Of course, I don't remember my first birthday at all.  The only thing I know about it is that I had a chocolate ice cream cake made by my grandmother, and I didn't get too messy.  And I only know that much from pictures and stories:

The only thing I remember about my 2nd birthday, and I remember very WELL, is my amazing and quite colorful Bert and Ernie cake that was made by one of our neighbors. I still remember how it tasted! Crazy huh? But what can I say? It was a GOOD cake!

For my third birthday, the family went to Chuck E Cheese. But back then, it was called Show Biz. The only thing I remember about that birthday were the characters dancing and my dad doing the Whack-A-Mole game because I thought that was the funniest thing ever!

For my fourth birthday, the family went to J&S Cafeteria. Not really the IDEAL place for a 4 year old's birthday, but it was my grandpa's favorite place, and I guess I didn't really care...after all, I was only 4? And for some reason, I went through a weird ballerina stage that year...needless to say, I had a ballerina cake too!

My fifth birthday was held at my Great Grandmother's house. This was the BARBIE year. And that cake, wow. It was almost bigger than I was! The tablecloth was Barbie, the wrapping paper was Barbie, and a lot of my gifts were Barbie. I really did LOVE Barbie!

For my 6th birthday, we went to Mr. Gattie's in Hendersonville.  I had some of my closest friends who also shared birthday's in February there with me: Roxanne and her twin brother and sister and Julianna, my lifelong best friend. That was a fun birthday! I asked for a MY SIZE BARBIE....I got a My Size Wendy. I took that doll EVERYWHERE!

My seventh birthday was awesome, for me anyway. My mom about pulled her hair out! I invited most of my 1st grade class, including boys. Yea, it was definitely a crazy birthday, complete with a pinata! The girls got to sit in the floor to eat the cake, but the boys had to sit at the table. Of course, all the girls found that totally hysterical!

For my 8th birthday, I wanted to invite all my classmates again. This time my mother got smart and booked the Rec Department for my party! That way we could run around in the gym and it wouldn't matter at all!

 I don't really remember my 9th birthday at all....but I do remember going to Don Pablo's for my Uncle's birthday in January.  Because I was the youngest at the table, and my birthday was coming up, they sang to me as well, complete with a sombrero and everything. I felt so special!

 But one of my favorite birthdays of all was my 10th.

This was my first sleepover!  I invited about 10 girls...which, in the fourth grade, is a BIG sleepover. We went rollerskating first and every girl in my party got hurt somehow, except me. I thought that in itself was a pretty good birthday present.  When we got home, we opened presents, and I got some pretty awesome gifts!

By the time it was time for us to go to bed, we were hyped up on cake and ice cream and soda and candy from the skating rink.  Probably wasn't a good idea to have cake right before bed....but, my mom learned the hard way again.  I remember she peeped her head out of her room and said "the next word I hear out of you girls, you're coming to sleep with me!" With that, we all grabbed our sleeping bags and moved into the den, which was further away from moms room, but closer to dads, who could sleep through a hurricane! We ended up wearing ourselves out and going to sleep at some point....

As I got older, the birthdays were a little more interesting of course.  For my 13th and 14th bday, I took my friends to the mall, one just the Asheville Mall and the other Concord Mills in Charlotte. For that birthday, we stayed in a hotel and had our own suite! It was awesome! We even bought an at-home pedicure kit, and our chaperones (My mother, her best friend, and one of my teachers/youth directors) were the "pedicurists". We also had a karaoke machine. That birthday was definitely one of my favorites.

In the years that have followed, I have had some good birthdays. Whether there was cake in the face, a party that went wrong, an expensive dinner to the Grove Park Inn, or drinking WAY too much at Wild Wing Cafe, I have really had a lot of fun!

I've learned that once a person hits age 25 or so, there are some people out there who get really depressed that they are getting old.  They hate celebrating their birthdays and they have no fun whatsoever.  I don't think I will ever be like that. I embrace age first of all, and second of all, a birthday isn't about getting older! It's not about saying GOODBYE to another year of  your life...okay, well, in a sense it is. But not the way I look at it.  I look at it as a CELEBRATION of that persons life.  Since I was almost gone before I even hit age 2, it's a celebration for me that YES! I made it another year! And it should be that way for everyone! YES! You have survived another year of your life! CONGRATULATIONS! Now, enjoy this day! It's YOUR day! This one day out of this WHOLE 365 day year is all YOURS! Do what you like with it!

And a word of advice from a very wise person I know:  if you don't wanna be another year older, don't be. If you don't want to turn 30, then don't. Be 29 for the rest of your life! It'll keep it fun =)