It's Time To Let OUT Some STEAM!

Okay, so I will admit that I haven't been the MOST pleasant and happy pregnant woman. My temper has been short, my nerves have been thin, and my tolerance for almost everything stupid or negative has been LOW, which it is anyway but pregnancy has made it even lower.  I feel like I'm about to BURST at any moment with ANGER! And the sad thing is, I'm actually very happy right now. Why wouldn't I be? What do I NOT have to be thankful for? Absolutely NOTHING! I have a beautiful house over my head, I have some money to pay my bills and a little extra, I have a man that adores me, and a little girl on the way. My family loves me, and I have awesome friends. I have the opportunity to go on an amazing vacation in a couple weeks: the kind of vacation I have actually NEVER been on before. So what is making me so irritable? My hormones, of course. But for what reason?


I think most of it is human stupidity and ignorance. I hate to sound all high and mighty, and I will be the first to tell you that I don't know everything. Frankly, I don't know a lot of stuff. Sometimes, my common sense DOES go away. So I am in no way perfect and I don't claim to be. But the part that bugs the crap out of me about people is the people that THINK they DO know it all. The people that will not take "NO" for an answer. The snobby people. The spoiled people. The cocky people. The people that don't do their research before they make a move. THOSE people...I honestly have NO room for in my life. Period. Which is why, for example, I want to get out of the industry I'm in right now. It's pretty bad when work makes you mad. When your place of employment makes you want to quit every single day.  I blame my job for 95% of the negativity in my life. Honestly. That's not good. But it's not just the guests and co-workers I work with everyday. I also have friends and family that are like that as well. But, there is really no way of getting rid of them....

I have had a lot of friends and family that make jokes about me writing a book about my job. And I have actually seriously considered it. In fact, I put all my posts on FB about the stupid comments and questions I get everyday in one place. It's a good way to let out my frustrations...by writing about them. Hence the reason I have a blog in the first place. So, I am going to USE this blog to express my opinions. That's what they are, opinions so I hope I don't offend anyone. Now, I know that most people will say "You can't let stuff get to you so much." Well, unfortunately, I do. That's how I'm wired. I can't help it. So you can save that argument because it doesn't work with me.


I think this world we live in is so screwed up to begin with. No idea where it started exactly, but people are so spoiled these days! Spoiled, stuck up, and stubborn. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that nobody takes "no" for an answer. Everyone wants things their way, and nobody wants to settle for less. The settling for less part, I understand. But there comes a time in life where "no" has to suffice. It's a fact of life: you don't always get your way. Period. You SHOULD have learned that in grade school. Obviously no one took that lesson with them....or maybe they had THOSE parents to fought with the teachers all the time, the ones who insisted that "their little Jimmy would never do such things...." when in fact "Little Jimmy" is the main bully of the school...I have fought and fought and fought against people like that my entire life. I just don't understand it.

I remember a few years ago, I was working at the YMCA in Hendersonville and there was a little boy named David...basically everyone that worked there was intimidated by his mother, and I found out very quickly why.  I actually considered being a teacher at one point, and this kid completely changed my mind about it. Some people may think that to be cowardly, but I knew that if there were kids like that out there, I didn't want to have anything to do with them.  Anyway, let's talk about what he did. There was a little girl who was selling candy bars for a fundraiser.  David wanted one. Did David have the money to buy one? No. Was he asking everyone in the room for money? Yes. I told him "David, if you do not have the money to buy the candy bar, then you don't get the candy bar." He pitched a FIT! So, I put him in time out for 10 mins. In the meantime, another little girl had laid her candy bar that she had bought with her own money on top of the tv. Probably not the brightest idea, but hey, she was like 7.  So, when David got out of time-out, what did he do? He marched right on over there and grabbed the candy bar and ate it.  Oh, man was I furious. So, I put him in time-out again, and this time I made him write 25 sentences: I will not steal. When he was done, he turned them into me and before I left work that night, I gave the sentences to the front desk and asked them to turn them into his mother when she was done exercising.  They smiled at me, gave me a pat on the back and said "That's awesome. I wish we had the courage to do that." I wasn't really sure what they meant by that, because it was pretty easy for me. But obviously, I hadn't met David's mother yet. The very next day, she marched in and TOLD ME OFF! "MY SON IS NOT A THIEF AND YOU ARE MAKING HIM OUT TO BE ONE." I said "Ma'am, I saw him with my own eyes take that little girls candy bar.  In my eyes, and every one else here, that is called stealing. I never said he was a thief. He is only 7 years old. He made a mistake, and he was punished for it." She said "Well my son said he didn't steal anything." Right. Your 7 year old son said he didn't steal anything and just because he said it, just because he probably boo hooed to you and pitched a fit and said he didn't do it, you believe him and now you're gonna come yell at me about it. I wish I could say that I got my point across to her, but I didn't. I ended up leaving that job very soon after that, and never going into a job that required working with children again, which is a shame because I always thought being a teacher would be a great job. I used to PLAY school when I came home from school. But after that little incident, and knowing that there would be more children like that, and knowing that if I had to put up with those children and their parents on a daily basis, I would hate my life.

I'm going to get off on a short tangent here about that: It starts during childhood. Example: In what era did "spanking" become "wrong"? Seriously. I don't understand it. There is NOTHING wrong with simply popping your child a few times on the butt with your hand. There is a huge difference in spanking and beating. HUGE difference. Anyway, that's a whole different tangent for a different day.

But really, when did parents start believing everything their child said? Taking their childrens side instead of the grown adult and the authoritive figure? Well, maybe it was when people of authority that were in charge of children became so corrupt. Ok, I can understand that parents are wary now. But honestly, when my little girl is born, when she does something wrong, (notice I said "when" not "if") she will be punished for it, case closed. End of story. That's the only way she is going to learn right from wrong. What do you do when your dog poops where he shouldn't? You stick his nose in it right? After a couple times, he understands, 'Oh, I'm not supposed to poop there." Same with children. They do something wrong, you punish them. Eventually they learn that they can't do that and they stop. Well, most of them.


Anyway, I digress. My point is, I don't understand why grown adults act like children. I guess it's a fact of life that I'm going to have to learn as well: they just don't. People want it their way or no way at all. It drives me absolutely crazy, yes. But there is absolutely nothing I can do about it. I can't change the people, but I CAN change my career. I CAN change the people I associate myself with. This job has made me a very sad person. Or maybe I should say the people I have to deal with. Mankind. Working in this position, I have become a little more prejudiced than I would like. The fact I'm even predjudiced at all bothers me. But I am. I have begun stereotyping every single kind of person I deal with. For the sake of not insulting anyone, I will not go into which race is what: cheapest, most spoiled, most stubborn etc. But I hate that it has even come down to that. But it's true.

Okay, I feel much better now. Now, if this phone will just stop ringing....

Let's Play CATCH UP!

Let's catch up a bit on this pregnancy, shall we?

I am now almost 21 weeks along, so that's about 5 months.  Finally over the horrible first trimester: that morning sickness and all day nausea was going to be the death of me! I still haven't felt her move distinctly; the movements I do feel, I can only guess is my baby girl. Yes, I said GIRL! We are so excited about her! We found out the sex a few days before I went to North Carolina for my shower!

I finally decided on her nursery decor =) Ladybugs! Once I get the nursery completed I will share pics, but for now, it's a work in progress.

The most exciting news of all though? As of yesterday, our sweet love bug has a name! Alexis Sophia Castiglione.  We will call her Lexi.  I am so happy that I finally have something to call her besides Peanut =) It's truly a relief, you don't even know!

Now last week was a busy one! (Actually more like 2 weeks ago).  Between finding out the sex of the baby, getting ready for my trip to North Carolina and MOVING, we were POOPED!  Yes, that's right, we finally moved out of that horrible s*** hole we were living in.  We are now living in Lake Helen, FL: population 1500 and it has a few churches, couple day cares, couple restaurants, a gas station, police station, Wells Fargo bank, fire station, American Legion, City Hall, and a park. Yup, that's about it. But I love it! It reminds me of back home.  The houses here are very old, and we are living in one of them, built in the 1940's.  It's charming and it has been well updated on the inside.  3 bedrooms, 1 bath (I know, ugh. Couldn't they have put at least a HALF bath in here =P) The master bedroom used to be the garage, so it's HUGE! My favorite feature of the house are the amazing front and backyards.  They are VERY spacious.  We have a cactus in the front yard with a few pretty hot pink buds on them and a ginormous magnolia tree in the back yard AND a shed! The driveway is shaped like a horseshoe so we no longer have to REVERSE out of our driveway (which is big plus for me =P)  And it wouldn't be complete without our little flower bed in front (which I need to start planting flowers in) It's nice to finally be able to spread out instead of being cramped into one small hotel-room size apartment.  It's also FANTASTIC that we have our own KITCHEN and laundry room. Heck, we even have a DINING room.  I know, the smallest things are awesome when you have to do without them for so long!

We have been greatly blessed.  His mother Cindy has been great: coming to help us set up the house, buying us small luxuries here and there: curtains, kitchen utensils, towels, microwave stand, hamper for the babies room etc. Plus, one of her friends sold her over probably $1500 (or more) worth of furniture for $700, which she gave to us! We got a brand new sofa, dining room table and chairs, toaster, microwave, lamp, bed set (including headboard and foot board, dresser and mattresses) Yes, it's been awesome.  And now, we have a little one to add to our home just in a few months.  We are going to be one little happy family and I couldn't be more excited!

It seems like yesterday I was thinking I would never be able to have children.  The day I found out I was pregnant with my little girl, I was probably the most happiest I had ever been.  Scared and nervous, of course.  But SO happy.  I was born to be a mommy and by God, I am going to be the best mommy the world has ever seen! You just watch and see =)

A Letter To My Sweet Angel

I have been overwhelmed with nothing but excitement, love, and JOY (with a little stress and worry) over the little life I'm carrying around.  So, I decided to sit down and write a letter to my baby full of wishes for him/her and just to say how excited I am to have them in my life!

"To my sweet baby,

I am writing you this letter at only 14 weeks pregnant.  You are already my angel, my whole life, and I cannot imagine how much more I can love you already. The next 5 3/4 months are going to seem so slow because of my excitement to finally meet you! I can hardly stand it!  I do have a few wishes for you:

The first: never be afraid to reach for your goals and your dreams.  Nothing is too big....or too small.  If you are driven and you put your whole body, soul, and mind into it, anything is possible.  Don't ever let anyone tell you that you can't do something because the minute you do, you have failed yourself.  Always know I am here to support you nomatter what.  If that means supporting you through your Presidency of the United States or flipping burgers at McDonalds, I will stand by you and be PROUD of you for MAKING  yourself HAPPY!

The second:  Always know I love you unconditionally.  You will make plenty of mistakes and disappoint me more than I care to admit, but I want you to always know that you can tell me anything.  I am your mother first, but I am also your friend and your biggest fan.  I will never push you away for any reason, so I don't want you to push me away. I would rather you tell me your thoughts and let me help you through them, than think something stupid, act on it, and then have me punish you for your actions. 

The third: Always put God first, family second, friends third, and yourself last, but always LOVE yourself! Trust and believe in yourself and know that you are a BEAUTIFUL soul inside and out.  Don't let anyone put you down.

Stay strong in your FAITH, always HOPE for the best, and above all else, LOVE as truly and as deeply as you can.

I love you forever unconditionally, my sweet angel.

Love,
Mommy

Venting of A Pregnant Woma

Before I start this, let me just warn my readers that I will get mean. I am simply speaking my mind...and its meant for plain entertainment. So enjoy! And Father God, please forgive me in advance.

I'm not sure what it is with me and rude, ignorant and slobby people, but I have zero tolerance for them.  Now, having said that, some people classify me as a slob.  I'm not a slob...I'm unorganized.  What's my definition of a slob? 5 words: the people I live with. I won't mention what nationality they are, because I don't want to insult any of my readers by stereotyping, but it's been very hard to stay NON-prejudiced since living here. Just sayin.

Picture this if you will:  the building Rick and I live in is a 3 bedroom, 2 bath townhome with an attached mother in law apartment.  The woman who is on the lease is basically running this place like a flippin boarding house for the homeless. No joke.  Rick and I have half of the mother in law apartment and one of the woman's bum, good for nothing 45 year old loser male friends has the other half.  Now, the man is basically a man-whore: different girl every weekend.  Until recently, the same girl seems to be over allll the time. Congrats, David, let's see if this ones a keeper!  Plus, he has his 2 bratty lazy and inconsiderate kids here for the summer. Great.  The woman has her 19 year old bum of a son living here: this kid is basically a waste. Seriously. High School drop out. Criminal. Has zero drive in life except to eat, smoke pot, drink, play his x-box all day and be the biggest slob on the planet.  But we'll get to that in a second.  There is the womans other friend...I guess her "lay of the week" as well...only thing bad I can say about him is he takes my parking spot all the time. And there is dear sweet Danny.  He is the ONLY person in this crazy house I can stand. He is here to try and "shape up" the son. It's not workin very well though, and I believe the poor kid is about to give up.  Let me throw in here now that Rick and I are the ONLY ones paying rent. Yup. The woman who is running this household inherited her mothers car and doesn't have the money to get a parking permit for it, but parties every night and blows her money on pot an booze. Here's an idea: WHY DON'T YOU EITHER STOP PARTYING OR START CHARGING EVERY OTHER FLIPPIN PERSON IN THIS HOUSE SOME RENT SO YOU CAN PAY THE 50 DOLLARS FOR THE PARKING PERMIT AND  STOP GETTING YOUR JUNKY A** CAR TOWED ALL THE TIME....IDIOT!!!!!  People in this house have NO common sense whatsoever.  And they get mad at us when we complain about them slamming doors and furniture and jumping up and down upstairs at 3 am when we, the only 2 working people in this joint have to work the next morning. But if I'm not mistaken, and I don't believe I am, I think since we are the only 2 ppl paying any kind of rent in this place, we have every right to complain. Don't you.  Oh and another thing: this place was SO nice when Rick first moved in, minus the ugly teal colored carpet. Now, its a flippin junk house. Doors falling off the hinges (from people not knowing how to gently SHUT them...), oven broken, washer and dryer broken....etc etc...

Okay...so let's get into about why "the son", Michael, is such a slob. And its not just him...its his 40 yr old mother too.  Picture this: everyday I come in, the house smells like cig smoke, rotten food and pot...so I have to hold my breath to unlock our door to our apt or else, since my gag reflex is so sensitive, I barf.  Yea, not pretty.  I DO NOT go into the kitchen unless I absolutely HAVE to use the microwave (since the man whore has the kitchen part of our suite...leaving us with a mini fridge only...) but when I do go into the kitchen, I find eaten strawberries lying on the counter, with only the leaves left...an overflowing trash can..(which pisses me off first of all cause its so overflowing there are flies and cockroaches everywhere). NASTY floor, looks like it hasnt been mopped or sweeped in years....ummm....yesterday for instance, I found an empty can of Chef Boy Ardee with the sauce all over it, right next to the bowl they poured the contents into, and ate non of it then left the whole bowl there for 2 days. I'll stop there just for the sake of NOT grossing you out further. But the point is, the kitchen is nasty.  They only clean when the landlord comes or her mom visits. and I dont think anyone in this household except myself, Danny and Rick know how to wash a dish.

So you can imagine why I want to get the HELL out of here, especially since we have a baby on the way.  Luckily we have found a house FAR away from here all to ourselves that we are very excited to move into the first week of August. So not too much longer here.

Then there is the rudeness of the household. Remember the manwhore who has his kids staying over for the summer? Well since Rick and I don't have a fridge to keep a lot of stuff in, sometimes we have to use the main fridge in the disgusting kitchen.  The other day, we put half a half gallon of milk in there but not before OBSESSIVELY writing our names all over it.  Usually, it would have been fine.  But ever since David's despicable children have moved in, the things we put there somehow seem to disappear: the milk, the ice cream sandwiches, the pizza, etc. Yea, and David laughs about it when we say something.  Plus, when we try to do laundry: good luck getting it all done at once. There is a good chance SOMEONE will come by and decide their laundry is more important, take your either CLEAN or SOAPY clothes and yes...THROW them on the nasty cockroach infested kitchen floor. So that when you come back, you have no choice but to do it again, and PRAY the next person doesn't do the same thing.

Oh, and let me also throw in here that Mr. Michael the slob is now set for life. He has no reason to find a job at all. The grandmother has agreed to give him a car and money whenever he asks and whenever he needs. Oh and she is buying him an apartment to. Yea. How MESSED UP is THAT? Like I said, he is a complete waste.

Let's touch on the zero tolerance for rudeness now.  It happens to me everyday, if you wanna consider the IDIOTIC RUDE drivers here in Orlando. (Who gives foreigners cars and why are we letting them drive????) But that's not all.  I'm talking about COMMANDING me to do things. For example, "give me this...give me that..." Oh, and the people at work who CONSTANTLY steal my things: phone chargers....food....etc...Where did your MANNERS go? I won't even begin to mention the rude guests I deal with. Although I will say this to all my readers: when you go on vacation, please please please try to keep in mind, and this is coming from a Front Desk Clerks POV, YOU are on VACATION. I am not. I am working.  There is absolutely NO reason for you to complain about the VIEW of your room when you have a full week planned of theme parks all day every day. Right? Try and limit your complaints....seriously.  And if you don't, then don't expect your trip to be any easier. 

Last but not least, ignorance.  Omg. I know people say there is no such thing as a dumb question. Well, I'm going to call BS on that one. Or maybe I should rephrase that: There IS a such thing as people not THINKING before they SPEAK.  For future reference, do NOT ask a prego woman ridiculously stupid questions and if you do, be prepared to either get smacked, a smartass response, or made to feel like the biggest idiot in the world by the look she has on her face. Got it? =)

In conclusion I want to say one thing: I try to be as optimistic as possible.  Being pregnant and having my hormones go in completely crazy directions has not helped that out at all....however I have managed to stay somewhat optimistic.  I am not one to complain about much...although I did complain at a restaurant for the very first time on Fathers Day....that was fun. Point is, you'll have to excuse me and just take my ranting as pure entertainment, and just something to give you a laugh. I hope none of my readers think less of me, and if you do...well, then stop reading now! =)

What Happened To The Rules We Learned In Kindergarten?

As I approach this adventure of becoming a new mommy, I am so excited I can hardly stand it.  I am excited about the adventure in itself, but most of all I'm excited to be a MOMMY. To have this little life to teach things, love on, and be his/her number one fan.

But though I'm excited, I'm scared to death. For obvious reasons.  Will I REALLY know what to do when they are sick?  What if something happens?  Am I going to be able to give my child the life he/she deserves?  And the big question: What if I screw them up? What if my child becomes like every other child on this planet that have no respect for anyone or anything around them because of me?

You see, these days, kids are NOTHING like what they used to be.  Respect for elders, much less respect for ANYONE has diminished.  I swear, if I had spoke to my parents the way some of these kids today do (or even kids MY age do), I would have had my REAR END WORE OUT and grounded til the END of TIME.  Even grown adults have zero respect for each other anymore.  It's sad.

My main issue is what happened to all those rules everyone learned in Kindergarten?  The most BASIC and IMPORTANT rules a person can learn?  I think Robert Fulghum had most of it right in All I Really Need To Know I Learned In Kindergarten:



Share everything. 

Play fair. 

Don't hit people. 

Put things back where you found them. 

Clean up your own mess. 

Don't take things that aren't yours. 

Say you're sorry when you hurt somebody. 

Wash your hands before you eat. 

Flush. 

Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you. 

Live a balanced life - learn some and think some
and draw and paint and sing and dance and play 
and work every day some. 

Take a nap every afternoon. 

When you go out into the world, watch out for traffic, 
hold hands, and stick together. 

Be aware of wonder.
Remember the little seed in the styrofoam cup: 
The roots go down and the plant goes up and nobody 
really knows how or why, but we are all like that. 

Goldfish and hamsters and white mice and even 
the little seed in the Styrofoam cup - they all die. 
So do we. 

And then remember the Dick-and-Jane books 
and the first word you learned - the biggest
word of all - LOOK. 


But I think he left out one thing:  When someone is speaking, you don't.  Raise your hand to be called on.  I mean don't you think so? I'll tell you why I'm going on this rant.  So many times people miscommunicate, are hurt, don't get their fair share of something because NOBODY LISTENS TO THEM.  Everyone is so self absorbed these days with the mind set of "its my way or the highway". Almost like "I'm right, you're wrong and I know it and I don't want to stop and think for a second that it's the other way around."  We are all stubborn and self-absorbed, rude human beings.  I'm not saying I'm not guilty because I am.  I've just come to realize it recently.  


Having said that, and working in the Hotel business, let's add a side note here.  Just because you do listen to someone, and hear their point of view doesn't mean they will be right.  For instance, (and I'm just speaking in Hotel terms) 


"I had a reservation to come to your hotel tomorrow and I need to cancel.  My son is in the hospital and I know that I have booked with a 3rd party and my reservation is non-cancellable and I know your rule is that you need documentation that my son is in the hospital but I'm not able to provide that so can you please just make an exception?"


Well, of course the answer would be no.  But before I jump the gun and interrupt him before he speaks, like most people would do, I listen first.  I listen to his issue, and I sympathize with him, and NICELY give him the bad news.  What is so hard about taking that extra step to listen?  Because we are all selfish people.  I mean it's natural, that's how we are built.  But that's also why you have these rules that you learn WAY back in the early stages to TEACH you RIGHT FROM WRONG and how to deal with yourself.  


How many times have you felt this way: "Yes, I know I'm wrong, but can you just listen to me and sympathize with me for 2 seconds before you shut me down completely?" I rest my case. The GOLDEN RULE is a good illustration for that...


What happened to COMPASSION? What happened to LOVE? What happened to RESPECT? What happened to COMMUNICATION? I am making it a point to bang it in my child's head to LISTEN to all people and THINK before you SPEAK. Not to make him/her a wimp by any means; of course I'm going to teach self-defense as well.  But AFTER they LISTEN. I think if everyone could live by that rule too, just like it was back in Kindergarten, this world would be so much happier, and we may even come together a little bit more.  Join me?

Pregnancy: Fun, Exciting, and Stressful!

So let's back up a bit (and catch up) from what I talked about in my last blog....

First of all, I was not 16 weeks....only 7....which makes me 13 weeks tomorrow. We found that out at our first ultrasound.  That was an amazing experience.  Knowing you're pregnant is one thing, but then seeing your baby for the first time is both CONFIRMING and so REWARDING.  Getting to hear the heartbeat is an entirely different feeling too.  Being pregnant, if you're anything like me, you constantly worry about if that little life inside of you is okay: if you're eating the right things, if you're being active enough or too much, if putting objects on your belly is safe. (i.e. balancing a laptop on it, having the chihuahua climb all over it...)  I know the doctor tells you not to stress, but I tell ya, and excuse my french, that's damn near impossible! So when you get to hear the heartbeat, and actually SEE your baby moving and SEE the heart beating on the screen, it's just so comforting and reassuring that everything is okay.

But being pregnant isn't all stress and sickness.  It's also fun and exciting! The preparing and "nesting" part is a blast! Think about it. If any bone in your body, stirrup or femur, is creative, you enjoy the nesting part.  You get to decorate an entire room from scratch, not out of (complete) want, but out of NECESSITY! Um, YES! The only thing that sucks about it for me right now, is I have no nursery to decorate. Which is also a good thing because since I don't know what the sex is yet, I can't decorate a nursery even if I did have one. But you better believe it that the SECOND I find out, I will start planning!

Registering was fun too.  Kind of on the stressful part, but fun.  This will sound awful, but if we're all honest adults here, its SO true: registering is like going on a big shopping spree without spending any money, but with the expectation of spending other peoples money.  Lol, am I right?  Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't it true that you're not HALF as concerned about the prices of things as you would be if you were buying it all your own. That's the fun part.  The stressful part was having the daddy go with you.  Never making that mistake again.  I love him, but geez.  I know what I want, I know what I need, I know why I need it. Do not question me! (tee hee)

Another exciting but stressful part is the naming part.  For one, I don't know what the sex is. I have a pretty good feeling that it's a girl, but I could be wrong.  But then the name I did like, Cady Sophia....*sigh*....everyone around me says "CAdy?" noo....its CAYdee.....lol. And then there's the thinking of the boy names.  Which is also hard because it seems to me like there isn't half as many boy names in the world as there are girls. And there are SO many boys in my family that have BEAUTIFUL names, it leaves my choices slim. (haha) But I'm sure that will come together with a little help from my friends =)

Please keep us in your prayers. This baby is going to be an adventure for us, and will change our lives, but we are SO excited! Please pray for a safe pregnancy and healthy delivery for our little "Peanut".

Guess What? I'm PREGO!

On Thursday, April 28, 2011, life threw me a delightful curve-ball: I would be bringing a baby into the world.  A number of things ran through my mind, the first being "O crap. What am I gonna do?!"  But that feeling soon turned into a happy one.

You see, I was convinced I was unable to bear children at all.  In fact, I already planned on asking my sister to be a surrogate mother, considered IVF treatments (how we would ever pay for those, I had no idea), and adoption.  But later on of course.  When Rick and I were married, and had the means to support not only ourselves but another human being 5 times over.  But, as life would have it, and how it usually works with me, it doesn't care about my plans.  I have "learned" that lesson over and over and over again, and I bet I will continue to "learn" it.

So, finding out that I was pregnant wasn't exactly a JOYOUS occasion at first: Rick and I both were super stressed out the first couple days.  But after I went to the First Baptist Orlando pregnancy center (where the lady basically told me my baby would be an abomination and I needed to give it up for adoption...), and I received the pregnancy confirmation, our excitement grew!  We would be parents! We would be bringing a baby into the world, and though we would be giving up a lot of things: so-called "freedom", spontaneity, late night outs, we would also gain responsibility, the REAL feeling of unconditional love, and JOY! What really helped was the support of our friends and family.  Without that love, nothing is possible.

I am about 14 weeks, according to mine, my mothers, my sisters, and the pregnancy centers calculations..oh and the Droid application on my phone =) But when I go to the doctors this week, I will be certain (I hope). I will get to see the sex of the baby in about another 3 weeks or so.  Naturally, Rick wants a boy. I want a girl. But either way, we will be thrilled.  I have certain things for each sex planned out: name, nursery theme, etc. So it will be nice to finally know what I can follow through with, the navy nautical sailing theme, or Cady Isabella.

What's pregnancy like for me?  Ugh. I don't like it. (Right now anyway) Mainly because the baby is too small for me to feel it, so all I do feel is nausea and fatigue (among other not-so-pleasant things).  I eat all the time too! Rick has learned that when Mama is hungry, Mama is HUNGRY! Funny thing is though, I'm so hungry I think I can eat a whole 10 piece chicken dinner, I get done with a few fries and 2 of those pieces and I'm so stuffed I can't move.  Why is that anyway?  So, needless to say, I will be very relieved once I get passed this first trimester and the baby gets big enough so I can feel what I'm going through all this nastiness for.  (I know, that sounded horrible....but I'm just being honest....I'm sure all you mothers out there can relate!)

I read Jenny McCarthy's "Belly Laughs". O. M. G. That book is hilarious.  I love it because she hides NOTHING.  She tells it just like it is.  It's awesome.  All you prego ladies out there (and even new moms) should read it.  It's great! It really helped me to prepare for what I will be going through and how to get through it.

Am I scared? A little, and I'm sure that fear will grow once I see that baby on the screen in front of me.  I have the FEELING of pregnancy, but I don't think it will actually hit me until I see the first picture of our baby.  Then, I'll probably be even more scared. But, I also know that though it won't be EASY, it will be OKAY. It will be WORTH every ounce of pain and every change I have to go through.  This baby will be the best thing I ever did and I will want to do it over and over again.  I just hope that I don't screw he/she up...too much ;-)